Talking About Crushes and First Feelings

When Butterflies Meet Blushes

“I think I like someone.” It might come whispered at bedtime, blurted out on a car ride, or scribbled in a diary they left just slightly ajar. The first time your child mentions a crush — or you suspect they have one — it can stir up surprise, nostalgia, or even worry.

But here’s the truth: crushes are a completely natural part of puberty. These first flickers of attraction, admiration, or infatuation signal emotional and social growth, not just romantic curiosity. And while they may not be “serious” relationships, the feelings your tween experiences are very real.

So, how do you respond when your child starts navigating the thrilling and sometimes confusing world of first crushes? This guide walks you through how to talk about crushes, support healthy emotional development, and create a safe space where your child feels seen, heard, and understood.

Understanding Crushes in Tweens

What Is a Crush, Really?

A crush is typically a short-term, intense feeling of attraction or admiration, often directed at someone they know from school, media, or social circles.

• Romantic (“I want to be their boyfriend/girlfriend”)
• Platonic (“I want to be their best friend”)
• Idealistic (“They’re so cool/smart/funny!”)

What matters isn’t the outcome — it’s how these feelings introduce new emotional and social experiences.

When Do Crushes Usually Start?

Most children experience their first crush between the ages of 8 and 12. This often coincides with the early stages of puberty, when hormonal changes and developing brains start to influence emotional awareness.

Even if the crush feels innocent, your child is likely exploring:

• Self-image
• Emotional expression
• Boundaries and relationships
• How they relate to others beyond family

Why Crushes Matter

They offer a chance to:

• Learn about affection and connection
• Navigate feelings of vulnerability
• Develop empathy and perspective-taking
• Practice communication and respect

In short, they’re not trivial — they’re part of growing up.

Spotting the Signs of a Crush

Your child may not come right out and say it. Instead, look for cues like:

• Talking about someone constantly (or being unusually quiet about them)
• Asking to dress a certain way for school
• Suddenly being more aware of appearance or hygiene
• Increased giggling, daydreaming, or drawing hearts
• Strong emotional reactions when the person is mentioned

Every child expresses feelings differently — don’t assume or tease. Observe with gentle curiosity instead.

Talking About Crushes Without Making It Awkward

1. Let Them Set the Tone

If your child opens up, take it seriously. Don’t laugh, tease, or overreact.

Instead, say:

• “That’s totally normal — having a crush can feel exciting and weird at the same time.”
• “Do you want to talk about it, or just share how you’re feeling?”

Sometimes, just naming the feeling is enough for them.

2. Normalise — But Don’t Over-Invest

Let them know their feelings are okay, but don’t pressure them to talk more than they want to.

Try:

• “Lots of people have crushes at your age — it’s part of figuring out what you like in others.”
• “You might feel differently next week, and that’s okay too.”

Avoid:

• “Tell me everything!” (It can feel invasive)
• “You’re too young for this!” (It invalidates their experience)

3. Share (Selective) Personal Stories

A light personal example can build a connection:

• “I remember my first crush — I used to get so nervous walking past their desk.”
• “I once had a crush on someone just because they were good at maths!”

It helps them see you were once unsure and curious too.

4. Ask Thoughtful, Open Questions

Instead of “Do you like someone?”, which can feel confrontational, try:

• “Have you noticed yourself feeling differently about people lately?”
• “What do you like about them?”
• “What would a kind friend or partner be like?”

Let them explore ideas, not just identities.

Guiding Kids Through First Feelings and Healthy Relationship Skills

Teaching Emotional Awareness

elp them identify what they’re feeling:

• “Do you feel excited when you see them?”
• “Do you feel shy, nervous, or confused?”

Encourage journaling, art, or even playlists to express emotions if words are tricky.

Introducing Respect and Boundaries

This is a great time to reinforce that:

• Crushes don’t need to be acted on.
• Everyone deserves kindness — even if they don’t feel the same way.
• Saying “no” (or hearing “no”) is okay and part of life.

Teach them how to respond with grace:

• “I like you as a friend” is a kind and honest response.
• “I understand” or “Thanks for telling me” are mature ways to handle rejection.

Navigating Social Situations

Support them with peer challenges like:

• Classmates teasing them about a crush
• Feeling left out of conversations about relationships
• Having a crush on someone who doesn’t know they exist

Offer comfort and strategy:

“Sometimes friends tease when they’re unsure how to act. Do you want to talk to them or ignore it for now?”

Help them maintain self-esteem regardless of what others say.

The Digital Side of Crushes

Texting, Messaging, and Social Media

If your child is online, crushes may play out in digital spaces, too. Set expectations around:

• Privacy: What’s okay to share, and what’s not
• Respect: No sending screenshots or private info
• Safety: Talk about catfishing, strangers, and consent around images or DMs

Reinforce:

“A message is still real — treat others online how you’d treat them face-to-face.”

Handling Your Own Feelings as a Parent

Feeling Protective?

It’s normal to feel unsure when your child enters this new emotional world. But overreacting can push them away.

Ask yourself:

• Am I reacting from fear or discomfort?
• What message do I want to send about love and relationships?

Then ground yourself in this truth: your role is not to prevent their feelings, but to help them process and grow through them.

Worried About “Too Much, Too Soon”?

Early crushes are rarely serious. But if you’re concerned about:

• Obsessive behaviour
• Emotional distress
• Inappropriate online interactions

…check in calmly. Ask open questions, keep screens in shared spaces, and remind them you’re always there to talk about anything.

When to Step In or Offer Support

Reach out or offer guidance if you notice:

• A sharp drop in self-esteem linked to romantic rejection
• Social withdrawal or obsession
• Someone at school is bullying or coercing them
• They’re mimicking adult relationship behaviours beyond their maturity level

Often, a few grounded conversations — plus time — are enough to help.

Encouraging Healthy Expressions of Affection

Help them understand that:

• Kindness and respect matter more than popularity
• Crushes are a window into values, not just looks
• It’s okay to feel excited, disappointed, or unsure

And that they don’t need a relationship to feel valued. Self-worth isn’t tied to being liked back.

Conclusion: Love, Giggles, and Learning

Crushes can feel like everything to a tween — dizzying, delightful, and sometimes devastating. But these feelings are not a problem to fix. They’re an opportunity to teach empathy, boundaries,resilience, and self-awareness.

Your role isn’t to control your child’s emotions — it’s to help them understand and navigate them with grace.

So the next time you spot hearts doodled in the corner of a notebook or hear a familiar name repeated just a little too often, smile. You’re witnessing the early chapters of their emotional education.

Want to share your story? What helped you support your child through their first crush? Leave a comment below — your insight might be just what another parent needs.