Building Self-Esteem During Puberty

More Than Just Body Changes

Your once-bold child now avoids mirrors, doubts every decision, and compares themselves to classmates constantly. Welcome to adolescence — a time when self-esteem can plummet just as dramatically as hormones rise.

Puberty is not just a physical transformation; it’s an emotional and psychological shift. As their bodies grow, so does their awareness of how they fit into the world. And during this period, their sense of self-worth is more fragile than ever.

This article will help you:

• Understand what shapes puberty self-esteem
• Recognise the signs of low confidence in your child
• Discover strategies for building confidence in kids
• Foster self-worth during adolescence that sticks for life

Whether your child is shy, outgoing, sensitive, or strong-willed, you’ll find tips and techniques to help them not just survive puberty, but thrive in it.

Why Puberty Is a Crucial Time for Self-Esteem

Identity Is Taking Shape

During adolescence, children begin to explore:

• Who they are
• How do they relate to others
• What makes them unique

This self-exploration can be empowering or anxiety-inducing, especially when paired with body changes, mood swings,and peer pressure.

Peer Comparison Intensifies

Teens start noticing:

• Who’s taller, more muscular, curvier, or thinner
• Who has acne and who doesn’t
• Who’s popular — and who isn’t

This comparison can quickly spiral into self-doubt, especially when fueled by social media.

Signs Your Child May Be Struggling with Self-Esteem

Look out for:

• Avoiding eye contact
• Constant self-criticism (“I’m ugly”, “I’m stupid”)
• Refusal to try new things
• Withdrawing from friends or family
• Fear of failure or making mistakes
• Obsession with appearance or weight

Low self-worth during adolescence isn’t always loud. Sometimes it hides in perfectionism or silence.

How to Build Confidence in Kids During Puberty

1. Focus on Effort, Not Outcome

Celebrate persistence, not perfection.

Instead of:

“You got top marks — you’re so smart!”

Try:

“I saw how hard you worked — that’s what really counts.”

This builds resilience and self-belief, not pressure to always succeed.

2. Create a Safe Space for Expression

Let your child:

• Share feelings without fear of judgment
• Be vulnerable without being “fixed” immediately
• Express joy, sadness, anger, and everything in between

Use phrases like:

• “That sounds really tough — I’m here to listen.”
• “It’s okay to feel unsure sometimes.”

Validation goes a long way in building emotional security.

3. Encourage Independent Decision-Making

Give them chances to lead:

• Let them pick their outfit or hairstyle
• Ask for their opinion when making family plans
• Let them handle small responsibilities on their own

Confidence grows when children see they can make choices and live with the results.

4. Model Positive Self-Talk

Kids mirror your inner dialogue.

If they hear:

• “I hate how I look.”
• “I’m so bad at this.”

they internalise the idea that self-worth is tied to perfection.

Instead, try:

• “I didn’t get it right the first time, but I’ll keep trying.”
• “Everyone has things they’re working on — including me.”

5. Help Them Build a Strength Identity

Encourage your child to list:

• Things they’re good at (kindness, drawing, fixing things)
• Moments when they felt proud
• Compliments they’ve received

Then, create a “confidence jar” or board where they can revisit these reminders when feeling low.

6. Minimise Unhealthy Comparison

Talk about the dangers of “highlight reels” on social media. Ask:

“Do you think that influencer really looks like that all the time?”

Empower your child to unfollow accounts that make them feel small and follow ones that celebrate diversity, growth, and authenticity.

7. Encourage Activities That Build Self-Efficacy

Confidence thrives when kids:

• Learn new skills
• Overcome obstacles
• See tangible progress

Great confidence-boosting activities include:

• Sports (builds teamwork and body confidence)
• Music or theatre (builds expression and resilience)
• Volunteering (builds purpose and empathy)
• Martial arts or dance (builds discipline and pride)

Supporting Specific Self-Esteem Challenges

Body Image and Appearance Anxiety

Your child may say:

• “I hate my body.”
• “Why don’t I look like them?”
• “I wish I could be taller/skinnier/stronger.”

What to do:

• Normalise body changes (“Everyone grows at their own pace.”)
• Avoid appearance-focused praise (“You’re more than how you look.”)
• Share your own insecurities and anxieties — and how you manage them

Gender Identity and Self-Exploration

Some children begin to question:

• Their gender identity
• Their orientation
• Their place within traditional roles

Reassure them:

• “You are loved exactly as you are.”
• “It’s okay not to have all the answers yet.”

Provide inclusive resources and give space for discovery without pressure.

Academic Pressure and Perfectionism

Low self-worth can sometimes show up in:

• Fear of trying new things
• Procrastination or giving up easily
• Overworking or being too hard on themselves

Support with:

• Clear expectations (“Doing your best is enough.”)
• Open conversations about failure (“Mistakes are how we grow.”)

What to Avoid When Supporting Self-Esteem

• Overpraising: “You’re amazing at everything!”
• Instead: Be specific — “That speech you gave was brave and clear.”
• Minimising their feelings: “You’re just being silly.”
• Instead: “That sounds tough — tell me more.”
• Comparing siblings or peers: “Why can’t you be more like…?”
• Instead: “You have your own strengths — let’s find them.”

Real Stories from Parents

“The Wallflower Who Bloomed”

“My daughter was painfully shy and wouldn’t raise her hand in class. We enrolled her in a weekend drama class — terrifying at first, but it gave her a way to express herself. She’s still quiet, but now she’s proud of it. She says, ‘Being quiet doesn’t mean I don’t matter.’”

“The Boy Who Hated His Body”

“My son dreaded PE because he was smaller than his friends. We started celebrating his speed and agility instead of size. Over time, he began to appreciate what his body could do, not just how it looked.”

Conclusion: Self-Esteem Is the Foundation for Everything

When your child feels good about who they are, they:

• Take more healthy risks
• Recover from setbacks faster
• Form deeper, more respectful relationships
• Advocate for themselves in school, work, and life

Puberty self-esteem isn’t just about appearance — it’s about identity, value, and voice.

As a parent, your role isn’t to shield them from every challenge, but to remind them they are capable, worthy, and loved — no matter what.

Let’s Talk Confidence

How are you helping your child build confidence during puberty? Share your favourite strategies or stories in the comments. Subscribe for expert-backed parenting tools and new articles. Know a parent who’s navigating this phase? Share this — it might be just the support they need.